Day 67

Day 67

Found a knee brace and took it for a walk. Not sure it makes a difference but I will wear it to prevent any further harm to the knee and assorted muscles. I went through my daily log for 2005 to note the tests that didn’t result in a diagnosis. Many tests and no help for the short breath. Made the appointment for the ultrasound. Now the bone scan appointment and I’ll be through with medical stuff. Yesterday was fun at the visitors center.

What would draw me away from my usual life would be a retreat hut in a pine woods. A place of warm days and cool nights near a stream .I would go alone. A tiny three bears house with a bed, cooking needs, a covered porch with a comfortable chair and little else. I don’t want a Kiva experience of sensory deprivation but of a distraction deprivation so no tech stuff at all. No phone, TV, computer or kindle. Not even music. No dogs. My only tool would be a new journal and lots of pens. I would stay there and endure the tantrums that I know would happen when faced with nothing but myself. I would stay until Spirit cleans up all the defenses and withholds and I am empty of the cultural influences, family legacy, personal history, triggers for old tapes, and all other artificial coverings were exposed. I would sit outside and listen to birds, frogs, the water bubbling past, night insects, the breeze in the trees and let my thoughts zoom by like ticker tape until they were tired and went away leaving me with a real self that was born pure and innocent.. When spirit has wrung out the last tear of regret, loss, disappointment, laughed me into a sore belly over the dramas, angst, and worries that were for naught, made my heart smile over the successes, then I can look in a mirror and feel that the inside and the outside were congruent and I could go back with a renewed energy for the rest of my authentic life.