Day 96

Amy fit in and everyone was happy to have her join us. The stories were diverse and enjoyable. Today is the last day of Mayvember and hopefully, June will bring improvement. I need sun to help my attitude and energy. CofC later and it’s the last day for applications for the two chamber jobs. That means getting acquainted with new bosses again. After duty I’m off to Karen’s for massage followed by a quiet evening. May stop at China Hut to pick up dinner.

Day 95

Yesterday started with a social walk to the museum. I enjoy the spontaneous and brief conversations as I’m on my way to volunteer. It was a quiet day with only four visitors. This morning I’m going to fill the green bin and clean house. This afternoon I will introduce Amy to our tea and stories group. She is prepared with the prompt. We need to include a couple of new writers so I don’t have to cancel if there are only two of us.

Day 94

The meeting was short and businesslike. Hollie came to find me after her work at JH and we went to early lunch. Quiet afternoon with five dogs. Megan is coming home today and I’ll be glad to give up dog-sitting. Still not feeling well although I have no symptoms of anything. Just not full of pep. I did water in the greenhouse where everything is flourishing and take Jake on a brief walk. Today is museum duty and I’m looking forward to being there.

I mentioned to Karen that I couldn't find Wendell's headstone and she gave me a map/

Day 93

The visitors’ center was not as busy as expected. Maybe it was the misty windy weather. The people who came were pleasant and interesting. I walked down to the Veterans’ cemetery looking for Wendell’s headstone but could not find it. The lawns were moved and all the flags were blowing. It looked well tended. Lots of other people seemed to be doing the same thing. I had a quick dinner and went to bed early. Didn’t feel well. Today is Board of Supervisors’ meeting.

Day 92

Yesterday improved as it went along. Mild day with a breeze and I had three walks: one alone and two with dogs. Fr. Tom was at church. I like his sermons as they are homey and humorous with his message. I didn’t stay for fellowship. Not in a mood for conversation. The Giants lost again. It’s difficult to watch them play so ineptly with the huge paychecks they receive. Today I’ll be at the visitors’ center for the extra hour required during the season.

Day 91

Hollie and I met at the farm stand and visited. Always a pleasure to spend time with her. This Mayvember weather makes being outside a chore. The icy wind and rain are not spring. The greenhouse plants are thriving. There is already a zucchini ready to enjoy.  The rest of the day was sinking into my chair with the extra dogs. Megan is in Portland. I will attend church this morning after missing two weeks due to not wanting to go. Maybe get outside.

Day 90

The visitors’ center was busy with travel stories. We have a new volunteer who fit right in. She is a veteran who is interested in my writing class. I enjoyed every minute with Karen and Rosalie. The food, and the conversation were satisfying .Karen is investigating the spices of India and Thailand and has all the ingredients and cooking necessities. She is stoked. Rosalie is deep in the editing of her book on elderhood. We promised to meet often because we like each other.

Day 89

Yesterday started with vigor and dwindled rapidly. The comfort zone won. Oh well, every day doesn’t have to be filled with activity. I know it will be a busy day at the visitors’ center. Official first day of tourist season and we know they are coming. Later I’ll meet Rosalie and Karen at Seaquake.  Karen wants a political vent about the abortion issues and the patriarchy. I tend to avoid politics except locally. Megan is upset about the war on women. It’s her future.

Day 88

I enjoyed Chinese lunch with Claudia. She has traveled a lot and has interesting stories. The museum duty was different. Two school groups were there and no other visitors. The big job was marking new merchandise for the gift shops. I did get dog walks and that is getting easier to handle. Jake pulls and needs constant correction but I see progress. Minnie is easy. No agenda today. The sun is out so the yard will call for attention. Lots of weeds still flourish.

Day 87

Walked in the rain yesterday and it was like winter. It is May and not the least bit like spring. Good visit with Hollie. We find lots to talk about. Today is museum duty and later lunch with Claudia. She is a new friend from the museum. I’m waiting for the domestic goddess to emerge but she is still on vacation as is the writing muse. I have ideas but no energy behind them. Maybe when my brain dries out. I like my life.

Lunch yesterday

Day 86

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Cold winter day. Rain again. Yesterday was pleasant. The gathering at the visitors’ center was replete with delicious sandwiches and the pep talk was inspiring .I like the opportunities to meet the other volunteers as we are all in our separate time frames. I took the dogs on their walks. Both walks turned social with stops to talk and return hugs. Today Hollie will visit after her work at JH. We have lunch plans. Housework is not calling nor is writing. I need self-discipline!

Day 85

A new activity yesterday: taking one dog at a time for a walk. Whenever I’m walking for exercise, I’ll take a dog with me. Good for them and me too. I had three conversations with caregivers who are tired and need respite. Glad that I was at the right place to listen. Today I will attend a volunteer meeting at the visitors’ center.after all these years I don’t need a pep talk. Already know what to say to our tourists. Sunny but cold wind.

Day 84

Yesterday I was able to use my people resource to help a distressed visitor at the center. He was handicapped and needed money for the bus. I knew who to call and made the connection. He was on his way. The visitors were fun in spite of the unseasonable weather, they were game for exploring and enjoying being here. I’m not going to church again. It’s morning prayer and I don’t want to sit through the same old thing. Necessary shopping will happen instead.

Day 83

The visitors’ center was busy and interesting. I enjoy the days when there is time to listen to stories. I particularly like the foreign guests and their travel adventures. Later I came home, made soup, took a brief walk in the cold wind, and sank into the comfort zone. I couldn’t stay awake for the Giants game. Today I’m getting strawberries at Ocean Air before going back to the center to help for two hours. Hoping for sunshine. This cold wet weather is gloomyfying.

Day 82

Yesterday was weird. Woke up to sunshine and had a surge of domestic energy that quickly dissipated with returning clouds and rain. So I sat and watched five saved  episodes, ate pretzels, and napped. Waste of time but that is what happened. I did go for a brief walk when there was a break in the rain but did not do anything useful. It was like a mini tantrum about my health routine. I do not often give up on taking care of myself.

Day 81

Busy day at the museum. Possibly the rain brought visitors. It was fun to greet and help them enjoy the collection. Later Linda Lee visited for tea and meaningful conversation. I like her a lot and she has an authentic calling to become a deacon. She asked me what I thought her role could be. I asked for her job description and we went from there. She was very supportive of my writing class and asked if I would write my curriculum for sharing.

Day 80

Yesterday’s BOS meeting was interesting and long. Came home, made soup, took a nap and had a long walk too. Today is the first day back at the museum for tourist season. We will catch up with each others’ news. The light rain calmed the pollen into lines of yellow all over the place. Might help my allergy. I pick up a remedy but don’t like to take anything unless the symptoms interfere with my activities. Coffee has taken the foggy morning headache away.

Day 79

Restless night and another headache to start the day. I’ll get busy anyway. Today is Board of Supervisors meeting. The agenda doesn’t look complicated although I had thought that before and ended up sitting for hours! Yesterday I took in the garden tools in anticipation of the rain that is starting. The greenhouse is doing great. The zucchinis are outgrowing their pots with beautiful leaves and the beginning of blooms. I hope to get out to walk between showers. Walking is my favorite activity.

Day 78

Much better morning. No headache. No coughing. I have a busy day coming up and want to enjoy it. First, bone scan to check on osteoporosis, groceries, finish picking up the weeds and stuff them in the bin, CofC for a volunteer kick-off for the season, and later, Dem committee meeting. I like my connections and activities. So much of the week was wasted on feeling unwell and I don’t want a rerun. Rain is coming and I want to have outdoor chores completed.

Day 77

Yesterday was napping and nothing. I did get a brief walk to buy chips. I wonder why I crave salt when I don’t feel well. I’m not going to church. No energy for getting ready or being sociable. I will get out and water the vegetable plants. Hope for a walk and a quick trip for necessary groceries. Megan and Chuck will dig up more rocks. It is a bigger project than they expected. Chuck wants the rocks on Lake street. Hope for improvement.

Day 76

Not feeling well again. It’s been a week of poor energy. I wish I would get sick or get well. This wimpyness is tiresome. I flared at Megan yesterday and made her cry. I don’t like plans that include me without being included in the planning. I don’t like being told what to do. I’m over it but I’m sure I left a reminder. Karen picked up her old bike to take to Mountain for their fund raiser. I was glad to connect them.

Day 75

Karen was a treat. I enjoy our visiting before the massage with hot rocks and singing bowls to clear my mind. No coffee yet as I have an ultrasound test at 8 and need to be empty. I used the time to take off the down comforter and put on the cotton. Laundry and cleaning taking the place of sitting with my coffee watching news. Later, CofC and I always look forward to that duty. It’s gloomy again and that is already getting tiresome.

Day 74

Meaningful conversations at the CofC. Changes coming. Both Sarah and Kyle are quitting on July 9^th. I’m not surprised as both of them complain about the stress. It’s the ego trip that the members put on them as each one wants attention. In the years I’ve  volunteered there, I have witnessed six directors. High spot today will be visiting and having a massage with Karen. Maybe finish weeding the northside. I had a lot of help from the dogs. They like following me outside.

Day73

It was a half day: have my energy, half my walks, half of the northside fence line. Maybe today I’ll get back to whole activities beginning with the CofC where it’s busy. I did clean out most of the garden shed and remove the evidence of rat invasion. I threw out everything that was chewed up and sprayed it with disinfectant. I’m enjoying the longer days. There is about the same amount of daylight when I get up as when I go to bed.

Day 72

Gloomy start. I am ready to tackle weeds. The green bin is stuffed so I will pile the tarp. Hope to find positive connections today. I want more from my days than routine chores. Thanks to my daily log I can trace my health journey since the 2005 illness that started the shortness of breath that is now called COPD. It was serious and took months to get back to what is now normal. Add the ferritin loss too and I’m doing very well.

Day 71

Lost my energy after church. Guess my feet wanted a day of rest as I couldn’t get them out the door. Giants won. Chuck wants the rocks on the Lake street property. Megan ran out of steam too. The foggy days are almost as depressing as rain. I need sun to feel energized. Kelle’s father died after a long illness. I hope she works through the business of death okay. She is so involved with her siblings. I’m hoping for the best for her.

Day 70

Megan is being her Taurus bulldozer self with the rock removal from her yard. It is a huge job and she is determined to do it. I helped with the weeding and packing weeds into the green bin. We earned fish and chips at the Chart Room! Today Mother Nancy is coming to church. She says she is Anglican-Catholic and that is high church. We are a very low church. Should be interesting. Later I’ll join in the rock fest and watch the Giants.

Day 69

Yesterday I stayed with the frustration of getting into the Sutter portal to view my test results. Tech stuff and trying over and over didn’t work but I called the help guy and he walked me into the portal with a minimum of swearing. The center was busy and fun yesterday. Today I’ll start out with food shopping and then get a haircut. I’m inventing a new style with the nape hair growing out and the rest in a curly cap. Another good day.

Day 68

Another clear sunny start for the day. Yesterday I took care of a bunch of little errands and it felt good. I went to the auto parts store and asked for a tutorial on opening the locking gas cap. I was told lots of people have trouble with it. Then I went to the gas station and succeeded without having to ask anyone. I have been depending on other customers. Big guys seemed to enjoy doing it for me. CofC today. Hope it’s busy.

Day 67

Day 67

Found a knee brace and took it for a walk. Not sure it makes a difference but I will wear it to prevent any further harm to the knee and assorted muscles. I went through my daily log for 2005 to note the tests that didn’t result in a diagnosis. Many tests and no help for the short breath. Made the appointment for the ultrasound. Now the bone scan appointment and I’ll be through with medical stuff. Yesterday was fun at the visitors center.

What would draw me away from my usual life would be a retreat hut in a pine woods. A place of warm days and cool nights near a stream .I would go alone. A tiny three bears house with a bed, cooking needs, a covered porch with a comfortable chair and little else. I don’t want a Kiva experience of sensory deprivation but of a distraction deprivation so no tech stuff at all. No phone, TV, computer or kindle. Not even music. No dogs. My only tool would be a new journal and lots of pens. I would stay there and endure the tantrums that I know would happen when faced with nothing but myself. I would stay until Spirit cleans up all the defenses and withholds and I am empty of the cultural influences, family legacy, personal history, triggers for old tapes, and all other artificial coverings were exposed. I would sit outside and listen to birds, frogs, the water bubbling past, night insects, the breeze in the trees and let my thoughts zoom by like ticker tape until they were tired and went away leaving me with a real self that was born pure and innocent.. When spirit has wrung out the last tear of regret, loss, disappointment, laughed me into a sore belly over the dramas, angst, and worries that were for naught, made my heart smile over the successes, then I can look in a mirror and feel that the inside and the outside were congruent and I could go back with a renewed energy for the rest of my authentic life.

Day 66

Dr. Venes recommended a knee brace and I will get one this morning. It would have helped all along since the hamstring strain. Oh well, I’ll use it now. Also good results from the blood tests, an ultrasound coming up later for the aorta, and a poor result from the chest X-ray. That was not news. I’ve been short of breath since 2005 when I had a bug that took months to heal. I have never recovered my ability to take a deep breath.