Day 358

Not leaping tall buildings but certainly improving. I expect to have a quiet day but moving around.  Must go to the phone store and have mine checked out. It is misbehaving, I count on it. Sunshine is beckoning and I will go out for a walk. Two full days of sitting are all I can tolerate. I need a couple of things at the grocery store. I need to make contact with Sutter and find out if they have a doctor. I need help.

Days 356 and 357

Yesterday was consumed with vertigo. I know the Epley maneuver thanks to Tonda Redel. After the vomiting, I spent the rest of the 24 hours moving only when absolutely necessary. I missed the gathering of volunteers at the visitors center. Darn it all, I enjoy seeing the others and hearing how they are doing. This morning I am shaky, weary and feeling fragile so I will miss going to church and seeing my St. Paul’s family. I can get back to my healthy self.

Day 355

Woke up sick. Woozy and uncomfortable. Still planning on going to the CofC but it may not be the smartest decision. T is so hard for me to give up. After the vigorous Wednesday and the okay Thursday, topped off by the Tea and stories group, I’m disappointed at feeling poorly. I’m cold. The headaches have abated and my digestion seems to be fine again, so onward and upward. Amy left our group after a kerfuffle with Michele. I’m staying way out of it.

Day 354

Yesterday was the most productive day in months. I believe I am healing. Purged pounds of old paper, filled the green bin, got a filter for the new fan unit, and had two walks. Now I’m getting ready to scoot around with the broom, dust mop, and vacuum cleaner as it’s tea and stories day. I may go in search of Valentine cookies for my writers. My mind is busy thinking about moving into the little house. There are advantages. Less house to clean.

If I had a “do-over” button, I would re-do my part in the events of August 6, 2019. There I was, walking home from town, minding my own business, when a distracted driver changed my life. In the cross-walk at 9^th and H sts. on a sunny afternoon, wearing a bright pink hat and light colored shirt, when my eyes were filled with the grill of a big truck. I ran. The truck grazed my left side. I grabbed the stop sign pole so my knees wouldn’t buckle and drop me on the sidewalk. Two men in a car right next to me asked if I was okay. I was trying to breathe. I said I was okay. The woman driver rolled down her window and yelled “sorry”. And off she went. I wandered off home in shock. My magical thinking says if I get  home I’ll be okay.

If I had a do-over, I would dramatically collapse on the sidewalk and holler for help. The driver would have been cited and I would have been examined.

But the big do-over is about my responses to the incident. Before that day, I did not make plans through the filter of age. Now I do. I got old that day. For the first time, I felt vulnerable and fragile. The ensuing time line makes me believe that the brain disorder was a result of the shock and strain of running from the truck. Now I want to rebuild my self-confidence and give up the double checking and self-doubt. I lived. I ran for my life and I lived. The flashbacks make me relive the trauma and I don’t want to keep that going. It’s bad enough that it happened without the echoes every time I cross the street. I’m a walker and that is my future.

Day 353

Purging paper this morning. In a mood to toss anything I don’t use. If Megan gets the house she wants, then I will move into the little house and Chuck and Hollie will move in here. They will be out of the trailer and away from Rocky. Yesterday C&H removed the broken microwave and installed the light and fan unit. I’m going out and fill the green bin in a few minutes. Just waiting for the temp to get over 40. Sunshine makes smiles

Day 352

Hollie and I had lunch at Good Harvest and, yes, it was veggie burgers. She finished early at JH. The forum was well done. The church was packed and my candidates did a good job of telling their stories. I will take my ballot this morning before the board of supervisors meeting. I walked well again yesterday and feel like I am healing. Hollie pointed out that I beat septicemia and iron depletion. Maybe I can beat a brain disorder too. Life goes on.

Day 351

Beautiful moon early and now sun shining. Strong wind yesterday that made walking exhilarating. I enjoyed church but didn’t stay to visit afterwards. Kind of grumpy guts and didn’t want to push it. Walking and yard clearing on the agenda until 5 when I will attend the candidates forum at the Methodist church. My tax papers are ready for Megan to take to work with her. Nice to have my accountant next door. I want to hear about her house hunt. Change is coming.