Day 365

New Years’ Eve. A quick scan of the daily log shows a routine and satisfying life. The high spots were socializing and writing groups. I loved every minute of teaching the creative writing classes and Tea and stories was often the best part of a week. Then everything clanged on August 6^th when I ran from the truck. I have not been well since that day. The brain disorder followed and the vertigo attack. I have no idea what’s coming next. Except unexpected changes.

Day 364

I was kind of dull yesterday until Mary Baker and Michele visited and it was an enjoyable conversation. Plus Mary brought lunch from Art’s place and it was delicious. I walked early and picked up a couple of grocery items to keep me going. Today is church and I will get my birthday blessing. I like that. Later, family steak dinner again when Megan comes home from the vet trip.  It’s going to be a regular occasion when Chuck and Hollie live here. Change happens.

Day 363

I admitted to feeling vague and disconnected and still I did fine at the center. I took a nap when I came home. Then ate the rest of the wonderful sandwich. I gave Shaun Kim’s Stetson and the summer bowler and I gave Mary the red hat and purple boa. Those hats were sitting for years and now may have use. Today Mary Baker and Theresa have asked to come and bring lunch. I’m looking forward to their visit. I am blessed with friends.

Day 362

Yesterday was nearly normal although it began slowly. Hollie came and we walked to Seaquake for amazing French dip sandwiches.  Then off to the cell store hoping to restore more of my phone usage. I slept poorly with scenarios about moving playing in my mind. What we need is a timeline and that is up to the escrow process. What if it falls through? Then we go through this again. Today is CofC duty and I’m ready to do it. Head is almost clear.

Day 361

Yesterday was just okay. I wasn’t able to fill the green bin because bending down was not comfortable. I took a couple of short walks but the day actually went by slowly and with a lot of sitting. I’ve had an unwell week and it’s time to get my healthy self back.  Today Hollie may come and we have serious planning to do for the move. I can’t really figure out what I want until Megan moves out and I can see the space.

Day 360

Three trips to the cell phone store and not successful. No photos, no  fitbit connections and just not the same. It melted down. Maybe I should start a new one. It’s frosty out and I’m not going to work in the yard until it’s at least 40 degrees. Lots of thoughts about the upcoming move. I looked at sleeper sofas and asked about Murphy beds. We can do this with a minimum of stress for everyone. It’ all family needs. We are all adaptable.

Day 359

Woke up with no headache and no wobblies. Hope the vertigo attack is over. Spent time yesterday ata the cell store trying to get my phone to work. No help yet. Going back this morning. We went to see Megan’s house and it looks like she is going to buy it. Huge investment and lots of property to keep up. It has great windows and four big rooms. I am thinking about how I want to furnish the little house. Big family changes coming.

Day 358

Not leaping tall buildings but certainly improving. I expect to have a quiet day but moving around.  Must go to the phone store and have mine checked out. It is misbehaving, I count on it. Sunshine is beckoning and I will go out for a walk. Two full days of sitting are all I can tolerate. I need a couple of things at the grocery store. I need to make contact with Sutter and find out if they have a doctor. I need help.

Days 356 and 357

Yesterday was consumed with vertigo. I know the Epley maneuver thanks to Tonda Redel. After the vomiting, I spent the rest of the 24 hours moving only when absolutely necessary. I missed the gathering of volunteers at the visitors center. Darn it all, I enjoy seeing the others and hearing how they are doing. This morning I am shaky, weary and feeling fragile so I will miss going to church and seeing my St. Paul’s family. I can get back to my healthy self.

Day 355

Woke up sick. Woozy and uncomfortable. Still planning on going to the CofC but it may not be the smartest decision. T is so hard for me to give up. After the vigorous Wednesday and the okay Thursday, topped off by the Tea and stories group, I’m disappointed at feeling poorly. I’m cold. The headaches have abated and my digestion seems to be fine again, so onward and upward. Amy left our group after a kerfuffle with Michele. I’m staying way out of it.

Day 354

Yesterday was the most productive day in months. I believe I am healing. Purged pounds of old paper, filled the green bin, got a filter for the new fan unit, and had two walks. Now I’m getting ready to scoot around with the broom, dust mop, and vacuum cleaner as it’s tea and stories day. I may go in search of Valentine cookies for my writers. My mind is busy thinking about moving into the little house. There are advantages. Less house to clean.

If I had a “do-over” button, I would re-do my part in the events of August 6, 2019. There I was, walking home from town, minding my own business, when a distracted driver changed my life. In the cross-walk at 9^th and H sts. on a sunny afternoon, wearing a bright pink hat and light colored shirt, when my eyes were filled with the grill of a big truck. I ran. The truck grazed my left side. I grabbed the stop sign pole so my knees wouldn’t buckle and drop me on the sidewalk. Two men in a car right next to me asked if I was okay. I was trying to breathe. I said I was okay. The woman driver rolled down her window and yelled “sorry”. And off she went. I wandered off home in shock. My magical thinking says if I get  home I’ll be okay.

If I had a do-over, I would dramatically collapse on the sidewalk and holler for help. The driver would have been cited and I would have been examined.

But the big do-over is about my responses to the incident. Before that day, I did not make plans through the filter of age. Now I do. I got old that day. For the first time, I felt vulnerable and fragile. The ensuing time line makes me believe that the brain disorder was a result of the shock and strain of running from the truck. Now I want to rebuild my self-confidence and give up the double checking and self-doubt. I lived. I ran for my life and I lived. The flashbacks make me relive the trauma and I don’t want to keep that going. It’s bad enough that it happened without the echoes every time I cross the street. I’m a walker and that is my future.

Day 353

Purging paper this morning. In a mood to toss anything I don’t use. If Megan gets the house she wants, then I will move into the little house and Chuck and Hollie will move in here. They will be out of the trailer and away from Rocky. Yesterday C&H removed the broken microwave and installed the light and fan unit. I’m going out and fill the green bin in a few minutes. Just waiting for the temp to get over 40. Sunshine makes smiles

Day 352

Hollie and I had lunch at Good Harvest and, yes, it was veggie burgers. She finished early at JH. The forum was well done. The church was packed and my candidates did a good job of telling their stories. I will take my ballot this morning before the board of supervisors meeting. I walked well again yesterday and feel like I am healing. Hollie pointed out that I beat septicemia and iron depletion. Maybe I can beat a brain disorder too. Life goes on.

Day 351

Beautiful moon early and now sun shining. Strong wind yesterday that made walking exhilarating. I enjoyed church but didn’t stay to visit afterwards. Kind of grumpy guts and didn’t want to push it. Walking and yard clearing on the agenda until 5 when I will attend the candidates forum at the Methodist church. My tax papers are ready for Megan to take to work with her. Nice to have my accountant next door. I want to hear about her house hunt. Change is coming.

Day 350

Chuck and Hollie brought dinner yesterday. Potato salad and a great slab of beef that Chuck barbecues on their little Weber. It was pleasant and comfortable. I offered my house to them when Megan finds a house for herself. I can live in the little house and they can come here. It’s been three years since the fire and Chuck has done nothing to fix it for living. Ben is visiting Megan. I’m going to church. I walked 10K again yesterday. Sun is shining.

Day 349

It was an okay day at the CofC. Then Hollie took me to Walmart and I had an organized list so we were in and out in quickly. The air in there  feels stuffy and unclean.  I will take care of the tax papers and get it bundled up for my accountant. I want to walk. Yesterday I had 10K steps for the first time this year and pushed myself to walk faster. Good posture helps and being confident that I can do it.

Day 348

CofC duty today. I hope it’s busier than last Friday. I don’t like to just put in time. Later, Hollie is coming over after work and we will go to Walmart for a quick visit. I don’t like going there but our choices are limited and some things I want are only available there. Michele and I had a sharing afternoon and lunch. Then I took a long walk and had my hair cut. The girl knew how I wanted my hair to look.

Day 347

Karen W. and I got acquainted yesterday after she took me shoe shopping and going to the dispensary. We had a muffin aat the beach and I heard her story. We’ve gone to church together for a long time but private conversation doesn’t happen at coffee hour. She has an interesting history. Two good walks, new purse, picked up two scripts at Walgreens’ and had a quiet evening. Today Michele is coming over and we will find something to do. Maybe a long walk,

Day 346

Two walks and a massage with Karen Rath. That’s my total log in for yesterday. Today Karen Wert is picking me up for a trip to buy shoes and the dispensary for CBD and 1:1 tincture. I’m very happy for the people who have offered me transportation now that I’m carless. As soon as it gets to 40 degrees, I’ll be out filling the green bin. I like the motivation from the pick-up days. Cold, clear and windy weather makes for a brisk walk..

Day 345

I went to Home Depot and found a light/fan unit to put over the range. I don’t want to replace the microwave. Maybe Chuck will take out the old and install the new. IF  not, I’ll find someone. Megan is asking questions about the Anzio house. Maybe she will put here roots there. All my agenda today is a massage with Karen this morning. I might fill the green bin later or come home and nap. I planted carrots and onions in the greenhouse..

Day 344

White roofs. 49ers lost. The day was wet and my motivation to move was very low. It’s okay. Today I want to get outside when it warms up. I’ll walk to Home depot for orchid stakes and to look at over the range fan and light units. I have decided not to replace the microwave. I only use it to melt cheese when I make nachos. One less thing to worry about. I’ll sort the cottage  tax stuff and get ready for my accountant..

Day 343

Yesterday I went house looking with Megan. She is determined to find a home for herself. It’s kind of a mid-life nesting thing. She has decided on no kids and being a career woman instead. I enjoyed watching her and hearing her questions. She will know when she finds the right place. Today I will go to church and if possible, get  a walk. Then the super bowl and I will watch as San Francisco’s 49ers are playing. Starting a list for next week.

Day 342

February 1^st. Gray and windy. I hope to connect with Hollie today to get errands done. Megan is going house looking at noon. She is having a mid-life nesting instinct and wants her roots in her own house. I will contact the plumber, Stanley, and talk about a new shower stall. I have traded the van for the new bathroom fixture. Walking is also on the agenda. I need to push my stamina. I get tired way too soon and walk way too slow.