Day 249

Doctor says neither of my issues is fixable. Okay, I can do just fine anyway. The short breath is about a semi-permeable membrane that doesn’t let the oxygen into blood. The collapse was from a micro-vascular event. Low dose aspirin and 12 to 18 months will help. Today is Halloween and my pet peeve is people who call it holloween. I give up. Once a year I get picky. Tea and stories later today. It’s Karen’s birthday. Maybe I’ll provide a cake for us.

I was not ready to retire. My teaching life ended with an injury and I was terminated as the district had no legal obligation to find me a place where I could work safely. After a few months of isolation, rejection, depression and physical pain, I woke up to the fact that the rest of my life was open to choices. My curiosity saved my sanity. I started looking around for new activities and new people. I was attracted to a poster from Lighthouse Arts for a childrens’ art class and called the gallery. I asked if the class was open  and would the instructor be  willing to take and old kid with no arts skills. At first the instructor, Doris Dalbec, was hesitant. She was a stranger to me and I to her. I assured her that my art skills would match her students and that I wanted to explore art. She agreed to try it and I showed up with the six and seven year olds. It took the other students a while to not consider me an adult but when I worked with them, they got it. Doris did too and off we went for our lessons. She offered a different  media each week so I was exposed to charcoal, pastels, acrylics. water color, collage, etc. I enjoyed every minute and decided that thanks to Doris taking a chance with me I would go on to take lessons with adults. I became a volunteer at the gallery and was a board member for a time. Later I took another art class at CR with Virginia Brubaker and was the oldest member of the class again but the difference wasn’t as obvious. I am grateful for a stranger who was kind and included me against her first impulse.

Day 248

Woke up to blinking clocks. I’m on schedule, beds made, coffee, banana, blog followed by a shower. Hollie will go with me to Dr. V. at 9 AM. He wants to tell me about the breathing test results. I want to tell him that I’m not over whatever caused the collapse. Later I will go to the downtown market for carrots and greens. Later still, I will have Tracy adjust my neck again. Meanwhile, walking and house stuff will also happen. Life is busy.

Day 247

The day might improve after an awkward start. When I find unfinished chores from yesterday and missed routine things like putting the coffee pot back together and making a mess, I make my self-doubt worse. I feel my confidence deteriorate and know that today I will double check everything I do.  The good news is that I knew when to visit the museum and found Michele in the research room working on her story. I did something right when I set her on course.

Day 246

I dithered about committing to write or at least update old writing and decided to procrastinate. I could ask Amy and Michele to join them on their writing days. When I explained palm-of-the-hand writing to Collective Journey, I felt the stimulation that comes from writing. All I know is that my spark is an ember that needs to glow or be put out. Outside work today. The weather is right for clearing up the yard. I will do it. I need the physical exercise..

Day 245

Best part of yesterday: walk to the farmers’ market with Hollie and walk to the market for lunch with Megan. The wind was more than brisk and actually moved me as I walked later in the day. At the end of the day I felt dissatisfied with my lack of activity and long hours of sitting in front of reruns. My journal is open on the table and collected dust. Opened old writing that I want to add to and turned off the computer.

Day 244

A wind event is predicted so the farmers’ market will be smaller since the tents are in danger. I want potatoes, carrots, and onions for soup so I  hope Ocean Air is there. Yesterday was quiet at the CofC but interesting. Lots of time for conversations with the travelers. I enjoyed two walks that were slow but felt normal, no wobbling. Today I want to work outside. Maybe get the house side leaves off the bird. I like air space next to the house.

Day 243

Another warm fall day coming up. I like to get out and enjoy every minute of it. Today is CofC duty and I’m  ready for a day with interesting people. Chuck and Hollie spent time last evening getting the motion sensor lights adjusted. It takes time to get them aimed properly. The front one was coming on whenever a car or walker came by! Don’t need that. I didn’t get the raspberries moved yesterday so the next week will have that on the agenda.

Day 242

Yesterday was the most normal day I’ve had in weeks. I’d like to do it today. I’m wondering if I helped the healing by admitting that since the incident with the truck I have felt old, vulnerable, and fragile. Saying it out loud made it word ripe. Today is warm and breezy. I have yard work that I want to make get done.. One is moving the raspberry canes so they won’t migrate into the greenhouse, another is reseeding the space in Megan’s yard.

Day 241

The  BOS meeting was interesting and long as expected. I left before it was finished to get to Karen’s for my massage. She does good work for me and I felt stronger and balanced when I walked home. Megan is in such a good place right now. She has past the grieving for her friend and is back on her road. I knew she was better when she started cooking again. It’s a sure sign as is her renewed interest in getting her CPA.

Day 240

The Democrat central committee meetings are so stimulating that I have trouble going to sleep afterwards! There is so much to learn about how things work in local politics. More today with the board of supervisors meeting. The agenda looks interesting and  long. Later, Karen will use her magic to make my body feel better. I don’t like my haircut and won’t go back to that salon. I miss my friend who understood what I wanted. Another unwanted change. Change is inevitable but uncomfortable.

Day 239

I want a good day. What does that mean to me? It would be a day when I did what I said I would do with vigor and enthusiasm. This slow and shaky body doesn’t get me happy. I want to know if it’s fixable or is this the new reality. Whine. One of these days I will own my age and act accordingly without pushing. Meanwhile, I will cut down the limelight today. It is through for the season. The greenhouse needs attention.

Day 238

Morning Prayer today. I like our home-made services even though I prefer communion. I am part of the congregation and realize that my attendance matters to others too. My hope for today is that my physical energy matches with my mental plans. Often lately this doesn’t happen and I sit down when I want to be active. I will get out and walk even if I’m as slow as a turtle. Moving is the way to feel alive and well. The ocean is beautifully active .

Day 237

Quiet day at the CofC. The few visitors were interesting and talkative. I enjoy their stories. Karen and I decided on Mexican lunch and it was delicious. I think I could eat Mexican every day. It’s comfort food. Karen took the painting, the stamps, and the decoy. I had no attachment and actually value the empty space more. Fred was not my favorite person. I want to go to the farmers’ market today. There are only two more for the season. It’s always social.

Day 236

The stories were fun and we laughed a lot. The group is valuable for all of us in our sharing and trust. I told the cake story and made tears about missing Alice. I never had another friend like her or a teaching partner either. Our years were eventful and once in a lifetime. Today is CofC. Michele is coming to visit there and later, Karen and I are having lunch. Karen may want Fred’s old duck stuff to sell on her E-Bay business.

Day 235

Had a good walk before the rain started and then stayed in for the day. I want to make new habits for the inside days including less TV and more moving using the rebounder. It is useful and my joints like it. I went to Tracy for my neck and he wants me to come once more next week. I’m not 100% from the incident on the hill. Today is Tea and stories and I will get cookies plus dusting for my writing friends.

The “first day” prompt brought up a hundred or so flashbacks and I added many to my palm of the hand list. It was difficult to pick one for elaboration. I decided on my first day in a classroom as the teacher.

I completed my junior year at Humboldt in June of 1955 after the long miles of commuting between Scotia and Arcata. College was full of people and moving through classes, learning about teaching. July 1955 I gave birth to twin boys and life became very different with endless baby care and not much else. In 1957, their sister joined them and the world became compacted into the house and babies.

In 1959, I was asked to substitute at Rio Dell school and applied for a provisional credential for that purpose. Aunt Lona was available for baby care and I felt confident with her coming to us. I needed adult time and conversation and using my new untried skills as a teacher. At that time, subs were paid $17.00 a day. When the principal called, I was excited about the change and the experience. So, off I went to teach second grade. The principal took me to the classroom and showed me the lesson plan and left me to lead the class. Suddenly I felt unprepared and when I looked at the kids who were looking at me for guidance, I wanted to go home where I knew how to change diapers and clean the house. I grabbed the lesson plan and off we went to fill the day with learning. Once I took hold, I loved every minute. I realized that this was my skill that I would pursue for my work life.

Until my first full time class in December of 1960, I subbed in two schools. I filled  a notebook with good ideas that I found from experienced teachers. In fact, I learned more from them than I felt I learned at college in the how-to-teach methods classes. It was an excellent way  to start a career and save me from the endless repetition of baby and toddler care. It was stimulating and the connection with teachers was valuable.

Day 234

Rain coming today. Not much to do outside except see Tracy for another adjustment for my neck. Maybe a quick trip to the grocery store. Yesterday I had a good long walk and felt good the whole way. That’s what I want, simple and predictable. I will write for the group tomorrow. I did start a list of first days and it keeps growing. I have had a busy life with lots of exploring along with working, going to school, learning in all ways..

 Rosalie made me beautiful----------------------------------- warm socks.

Day 233

It was a no exercise Monday due to unexpected delays in getting out of the house. It’s okay to have a day off that is not connected to feeling poorly. Rosalie and I had a good lunch at the “office”. That’s what we call Good Harvest because we have done a lot of work on our programs there. Chuck put up a solar light on the front porch and fixed the light by Megan’s door so the dogs can’t trigger it. Both home improvements.

Day 232

After church and coffee hour, I took a walk and it was not okay. It was one of those that make me afraid that I’m not going to make it home. I did get home and sat for the rest of the day. I want to know where my energy goes. I walked slowly and paused when necessary. I want stable abilities and that is not what’s happening. Today I’m going to lunch with Rosalie. She is excellent company and our conversations go everywhere.

Day 231

 Yesterday was a great one. I poked around, shopped, and walked alone to the market, I felt comfortable in my body. Felt more confident. I carried the cane but did not need to use it. I’m getting well again. My body has come back from some other awful conditions and continues to be amazing at recovering. Church today and that’s all for now. May find something else later. There is always yard stuff. I would rather find a people connection for a new activity.

Day 230

I’m glad I went to the social political event. I say NO too often and I can enjoy getting out more. By evening I usually sit back and do nothing and here I was chatting and having a good time. Steve Berg played Here Comes the Sun for me. I enjoyed that too. Today Hollie and I will go to the market. Only a few more Saturdays before the season ends. I enjoy the socializing that comes from knowing people and having quick conversations.

Day 229

Long sleep and busy dreams. I clipped the dead birds and ugly fronds from the bird of paradise. That was it for work. I was seriously lacking in physical energy and sitting was attractive so I did things in small bursts. Two walks around the block and did okay. Today is CofC and I’m looking forward to going. Later, a political social for John Pritchett as he launches his campaign for supervisor. I simply want to feel normal and enjoy my life. Sounds doable.

Day 228

Another beautiful clear and cool morning. I will spend time outside with yard cleaning and walking. Yesterday I walked with confidence and drove comfortably. Completed my errands at Wallys. Enjoyed Sally’s company at Starbucks. She has lots of stories. The floors could use attention with paw prints and dog hair everywhere. Maybe they will get it. I might find something more interesting to do. I have not written my prompt and it will be fun. I’ll start with a list of life’s “first days.”

Day 227

Two hours of the meeting was all I could sit for. Wrangle instead of progress in solving our issues. Ann didn’t stay either. I know that I want to know what’s going on but I obviously have limited patience. Today I’m having coffee with Sally. We are facebook friends. Later I will see Tracy about my neck but most of the headaches don’t seem to be things he can help. I walked with more confidence yesterday. Maybe normal is returning. That’s all I want.

Day 226

BOS and that’s all. The agenda looks interesting. Maybe Ann will be there and we can go to lunch afterward. I enjoy her company. I could do a traipse through walmart, much as I dislike going there, it’s where I can find certain items. I could find something new to do. Maybe call someone or write a letter. Hmm. The day is full of potential. Or I can weed the north side fence or go back to Megan’s yard. Life is full of choices.

Day 225

Weary morning after a poor restless sleep. My tired mind just wouldn’t stop mulling over old stuff. It’s making for a slow start for Monday. I know that I need a trip to Wally’s and I will do that early. I was thinking of ways to get busier during the week so I don’t sink into the comfort zone. There must be a place that needs a volunteer that fits what I can do. I do better with time if I have a schedule.

Day 224

Morning Prayer and I will show up and sing. The last hymn we sing sticks in my head for a week! I may make another pot of luscious soup. Best way to get full of vegetables while smiling. I used Karen’s recipe and it was good. She said it would be. Three walks yesterday and my gait and pace were normal. There is yard work that needs doing before the rains start. The joy of home ownership. I’m Moving past whatever knocked me down.

Day 223

Yesterday was a good day and I enjoyed every minute of it. Normal and routine are  good words. I walked and worked and participated in my community. I admit that I do need a product at the end of the day. The work ethic is still in force. Today I want to go to the farmers’ market and buy red potatoes and green stuff for a big pot of soup. I may go look at the old cars. They bring back high school memories.

Day 222

CofC will be a hive today with Sea Cruise beginning. I like being there when lots of activity is going on. It’s exciting to be part of the community. I had a couple of good walks yesterday. I carried the cane but didn’t use it. I don’t feel tottery or needy for help with balance. Whatever caused my collapse is passing. I feel normal now. It’s scary to wonder if something long term is happening in my body. I’ll celebrate feeling well and happy.

Day 221

Tea and stories day! I enjoy the writers and their sharing. Peanut butter cookies for them. First a little house stuff. I dust and vacuum and that’s all. There is still yard work I want to get done and I did get the greenhouse cleaned yesterday with the removal of the raspberries. They are coming into the warm spot. Later, Karen will help my body with her massage techniques. I feel better after she works on me. I’m taking her a bag of apples.

In January, 1977, I took a leave of absence from my teaching career. I wanted to have a different life for a while. I rented my house to friends and had an apartment waiting in Rohnert Park. I was enrolled at Sonoma state. Kind of a busmans’ holiday. I took a bunch of interesting classes just for fun.

The first class was called People in Transition and was designed for older returning or first time students. It was led by two women from the testing center. They were interested in my reason for being there and asked if I would participate in a study. I said sure. I was here for experiences. I become friends with them and was invited into their women’s group. We did lots of things together that I would not have been able to do alone. Later they asked me to be in a documentary about older students at Sonoma state. This had nothing to do with the prompt.

 One was alternative health and I met a bunch of interesting people. The curriculum included kinesiology, nutrition, eastern medicine, all sorts of alternatives to our medical establishment. I found friends in the class and had lots of philosophical conversations that were thought provoking and led to new ideas. I was invited to Forestville for an afternoon  party and was pleased to be included with so many younger people. It was a beautiful place and the crowd was comfortable. Late in the afternoon I was offered a brownie and in my ignorance, I ate it. I found a nice friendly tree and sat down to enjoy its company. Hours went by. I heard the laughing and singing, the dancing and guitar music and I sat. My mind calculated that I had missed out on the fun and vowed never to do it again and I never did.

Day 220

Yesterday was more than great! Gave me hope that whatever caused my collapse and the other symptoms is over. I filled the green bin with the avocado branches. Sure is a stubborn growth! Today I will clean the greenhouse again. The raspberries keep intruding. I want to plant carrots. Later, farmer’s market for red potatoes and green beans. The floors need attention too, Sounds like another good domestic day. I will use my physical energy with glee. It’s like the feeling after an illness.

Day 219

Woke up rested and optimistic. Nice change from the last few weeks. October will be a month of healing. While the dogs are at the spa, I will buy groceries and do errands so that I have time to clean in Meg’s yard. I have made progress with the weeds and dirt. My grass seed project is slowly showing and I’m glad for it. Later I will see Tracy Cole. My posture needs fixing and I know that PT exercises are the only way.